Belonging Beyond the Bell

Not long ago, my wife and I returned from a weeklong vacation to our two-year-old daughter acting strangely. One week with doting grandparents had transformed our walking, talking toddler into a raving tornado: often running wildly while waving her hands and yelling “ahhhhhh!”. More concerning was how often she replaced her freshly acquired vocabulary with an array of grunts and groans. Alarmed, we asked her grandparents for details about the week’s events. It was then we learned that it included a steady diet of Illumination’s Minions.

While relieved to know our daughter wasn't regressing, the episode was a timely reminder of the power of observation in human learning. Nearly all learning theories affirm this (see social learning theory, memetic learning, discovery learning, and inquiry based learning, among others). It’s understandable that we might neglect this foundational truth as we add nuanced educational theories and practices to our tool belts over time. But we shouldn’t forget. After all, we live it constantly. If we consider the last time we found ourselves in a new social situation, we’ll likely recall how we surveyed the environment for clues about how to act. Voila! Learning by observation.

The question I invite us to explore, then, is this: what do students learn about belonging when they observe adults?

“A sense of belonging at school means feeling a sense of acceptance, respect, inclusion and support in a learning environment.” (Dr. Deleon Gray)

Educators often focus on classroom practice, student-to-student interaction, and administrative procedures when designing for belonging. All three areas are important; yet given how much humans learn by observing, educators should also consider how their actions beyond the bell will shape their learning community.

How might we bring purpose-filled design to this area too? Since belonging is rooted in relationships, I’d like to offer a few suggestions through the lens of key educator relationships.

Let’s greet everyone.

What if teachers spent the moments before the starting bell sounds greeting and engaging with every student? Doing so declares: everyone here exists on equal ground and is dignified with our time and attention. Investing this precious time in student relationships pays infinite dividends.

Let’s ask and listen.

What if we paused to genuinely ask students how they are doing (like, really doing) and remained long enough to hear them out? What if we asked them about their own sense of belonging around campus? Everyone wins when educators care enough to do this. In particular, students watching these types of interaction witness belonging modeled. Let’s push beyond icebreaker questions and courageously shirk expectations to respond beyond a genuine “thanks for sharing”. And when students share what’s happening in their lives…

… Let’s show up.

What if we attended their match, performance, or presentation? What if we made intentional efforts to commend them to their families? Better yet, what if we elevated their voices among colleagues and administrators? What better way to show students they’re seen, heard, and valued than by using our time to support them beyond the bells.

If young people in your community were asked to place you in a high school social group based on those you “hang out” with on campus, what would they say? I know - we’re supposed to educate our students out of this thinking, but humor me for a moment. Would they label you a jock, nerd, “weird”, something else, or somewhere in-between?

Here’s the point: our on-campus social activity projects our concept of belonging. With whom do students see us talking, collaborating or smiling from day to day? Have they been in the room when we’ve praised, uplifted, included, or advocated for our colleagues? What if we periodically sat at different lunch tables throughout the week? What if we visited the classrooms of teachers we don’t often agree with? What if we attended less popular school events just to support faculty sponsors? What if we actively elevated certain colleagues’ voices in conversations around campus?

Above talking about belonging, we have an opportunity to model belonging for our students in the way we are with our colleagues each day.

It's difficult to cultivate belonging if you don’t feel much of a sense of belonging yourself. Those around us have a part to play in how we feel, but the responsibility for evaluating and investing in our personal sense of belonging rests on each individual. We owe it to ourselves, our colleagues, and our students to approach this work sincerely.

Let’s assess.

How often do you stop to take stock of where your belonging meter rests? Ask: Do I feel like I belong here? With whom do I feel seen and heard? Valued? Empowered? Just as important, with whom am I sharing these gifts? The “whom” in these questions should not be downplayed in an age of ubiquitous social media and emerging A.I. Periodic evaluation can help us identify when to fill up.

Let’s push.

“There is no courage without vulnerability,” Brené Brown notes. What if we branched out of your comfort zones by finding alternative ways to increase our sense of belonging? What if we pressed into new spaces? Or what if we partnered with a coach, someone to help us reflect and challenge our current process?

Let’s advocate.

What if we identified at least one person with whom we can share openly about belonging in a productive way? What if we were vulnerable and courageous by admitting to colleagues with whom we feel safe: I'm feeling deficient in this area. Can you help me? Or - dare I suggest - I have an overflow in this area. I would like to contribute to my community. Can you help me?

In my opinion, our actions in moments beyond the bells point to the reality of belonging in our communities. Because of this, we must know that we matter and every action can have a profound impact. My daughter had to unlearn her Minion ways. Let’s hope our students don’t have to unlearn what they observe from us.

When it comes to cultivating belonging beyond the bell in your learning community:

• What sticks with you?

• In what areas are you succeeding, excelling, or leading?

• Which students and/or colleagues are often included? Who is overlooked?

• What is one small shift you can make right now?

• With whom would you like to discuss this more?

For more, see:

• Building a Culture of Feedback in Schools: Strategies, Tools, and Best Practices
• Rethinking Competency-Based Grading: How Engagement Scores Transform Student Assessment
• The PLaybook: How Do You Show Up? Revisiting Your Educator Presence

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